Houghton Mifflin Discussion Forums

Replies: 9

cindykay

Posts: 284
Registered: 6/5/09

The Importance of this Forum
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 11:51 AM

I am amazed lately of the lack of postings in the forum. I joined this group last July. Daily, numerous times I would come to the forum and be touched by so many others experiencing the same grief and anguish I was experiencing with my daughter. I was alone running the heroin hustle until I met so many others dealing with the same feelings that I felt. This forum with the help of so many allowed me to come to terms with addiction, relapse and now recovery. I credit the compassion, thought provoking questions, statements and experiences of others to allow me to be where I am today. I wish many of you could have been a part of this forum back then. The purpose of this forum is to allow us to share and learn from others. I have learned so much, but unfortunately with the lack of postings, others are not as fortunate. Please use this forum for the reason it was created and do not allow it to die. I know there are many who come and their intention is to find that friend who understands. They are not here. Let's get the forum back to where it was months ago and help those who are living the life of addiction and the impact it forces upon us. Our stories are all the same. Thank you to all of you for giving me the strength to move forward and take back my life. My child's addiction has changed my life forever, but through this forum I have learned so many things and applied them. Rosena, Beenthere, addicts mom, Ann, Deb and so many others, thank you. Now lets continue to help others.

waterdance

Posts: 624
Registered: 6/10/09

Re: The Importance of this Forum
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 1:03 PM

Good Morning cindykay, Good Morning All, What a great post! I hope there will be enough of us writing to keep this forum going. I know this site has helped me immensely (been writing and reading on this forum since June of last year). Thank you, David Sheff for creating this helping forum. Yes, I still have times of deep depression but nothing like the first years after John's death. I'm not all full of vin and vinegar like my early years but now I do get a bit done every day. Little by little I'm clearing things away.The more I read here the more I feel I have to accept what is and go on and find joy again in my life. And if I look and not have "tin" eyes I can see what each day has to give.....so many gifts of beauty....and there are the funny things too. My pup Lucy Sue takes a cloth toy outside, shakes it around a few times and comes tearing back in the house with it. She does this every morning.Thanks for the post cindykay. Hugs, Deb

Molly

Posts: 163
Registered: 1/12/10

Re: The Importance of this Forum
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 2:54 PM

Great post, Cindykay. I come here daily looking for support, but less frequently than I did initially, due to the protracted silences and limited input. I wish I'd found it earlier in my struggle - it would have helped so much last year when I was drowning. But I'm here now (treading water) and, like you and Deb, truly hope this forum will become reactivated. I need it. Others do, too. Some newcomers post once and then leave, perhaps because it's so quiet.

Thanks so much for writing this. My thoughts are with everyone here. I hope you all return.

Molly

Posts: 163
Registered: 1/12/10

Re: The Importance of this Forum
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 2:57 PM

P.S. Deb, I just noticed the above is your 400th post. How appropriate, given the topic! You have so much to share with this group. I've been grateful to you since the day I arrived. Very thankful to you, too Cindykay. Best, Molly

cindykay

Posts: 284
Registered: 6/5/09

Re: The Importance of this Forum
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 3:52 PM

Molly, how I remember those days of drowning and treading to just say afloat. Even today after 14 months of sobriety, I found myself frantically wanting to ask who my daughter was texting while we were in the car. But I had to remember I didn't cause it and cannot cure it. Her addiction is hers and her choices have become hers. I can only hope she continues the path of recovery. But I also know that if she relapses, those past behaviors that I own will come right back. We are capable of relapse just as our addict child. Stay strong and we will hope that others return to posting.

Molly

Posts: 163
Registered: 1/12/10

Re: The Importance of this Forum
Posted: Mar 4, 2010 11:53 PM

Thank you, Cindykay. Its been a hard week, another in a series, really. My son, age 19, enrolled in college in January. He had two good weeks, then slipped back to sleeping all day and, at night, talking on his laptop. Missing classes, entire days of school, assignments gone undone. Rarely goes out, but now tells us that he drinks every night in his room until he passes out, and uses painkillers intermittently. In the past, he has exagerated his substance abuse. We don't know why. In addition, he has no money. So it's hard to know what's really going on. Regardless, he's barely functioning. I've been his "case manager" for 2.5 years, since we boarded this roller coaster, but on Monday evening in my absence, my husband made some inquiries about rehab programs. He's ready to give him an ultimatum (again): treatment or leave home. I'm not there yet. The three of us went to see his therapist this afternoon. My husband and I will see mine on Monday. I've been doing very well for the last couple of months. Heart has stopped pounding; no more knot in my stomach. But I feel that I'm about to fall off the cliff again, and I'm afraid - for my beautiful boy, and for myself.

waterdance

Posts: 624
Registered: 6/10/09

Re: The Importance of this Forum
Posted: Mar 5, 2010 11:57 AM

Good Morning Molly,I don't have the answers. Does anyone? Kids have been in and out of rehab. I know someone who's had her kid in rehab 16 times. Can you imagine? I tried all kinds of things....put the oldest one in business twice (she wouldn't work at it. Wouldn't get out of bed until after noon.) Set the son up in his air condition & electrical business. He made fantastic money and was very good at what he did. He was on drugs then off for years until he died at age 48. My friend Julie in Vegas has had 3 adult kids in her house sometimes all not working, all on drugs. What have we raised? ..."hot house kids"? The drugs, the alcohol create more of a life for them than the real world. And all his peers feel the same way. That's part of the problem. Has your son ever said what he would like to do with his life? What would he like to do to earn a living? What are his interests? I don't see how rehab would hurt at this point. If he's not going back to college he needs to find a job....even a self-created job will do. I'm just throwing different thoughts out to you. Like I said before I don't know the answers.I've been through what you are into now.Please keep reading all you can about addiction, different ways of thinking. Your son is young and most of them believe it or not come out of it but you have every reason to be highly concerned. Thinking of you, Deb

Molly

Posts: 163
Registered: 1/12/10

Re: The Importance of this Forum
Posted: Mar 5, 2010 12:40 PM

I just got off the phone with a 28-day rehab program about 90 minutes from my home. I'd spoken with them before, nearly four months ago, when my son was discharged from a psych unit, but he refused to go at the time. As of 4:30 AM today, he's at least considering it. They have space and can take him, but he has to do a telephone prescreen evaluation when he wakes up, and that will determine his eligibility. Fingers tightly crossed, please. He needs to get up and talk to them, and they need to accept him. My husband, who works in substance abuse, feels this is entirely inadequate, and that he really needs a yearlong program. Maybe, but my son won't agree to that, and I'm hoping his father will see that - if nothing else - this one is a long awaited place to begin.

Deb, you asked what he'd like to do with his life. Most days he wants to be a doctor; sometimes, a firefighter. He's a certified EMT, and that remains his one true passion. Fortunately, he still has the good sense to know that one cannot due this work under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs.

Now I have to switch gears and focus on an imminent work deadline. This is so very hard. I know you understand the whole package that comes with being the mother of an addict. Honestly, I'm still not convinced that he's addicted to anything. Sometimes, he seems to use this as an easy excuse. Deb, I also remember your post about burying your head in the sand. Who knows. But it no longer matters. The net result is the same: he's ignoring his responsibilities, and is functioning only marginally. So, yes, fingers crossed!

Winnie

Posts: 105
Registered: 9/26/09

Re: The Importance of this Forum
Posted: Mar 6, 2010 9:49 PM

I also know how difficult it is to be a parent of an addict. I also do not have the answers but it sounds like you cannot do nothing. It is very difficult when they are of legal age as you cannot force them to do things. I like you could not give the ultimatum of you do this or get out. I agree the longer the recovery program the better the chances but i could not get my son to go for longer than 28 days either time. If where you are is anything like where i am you do not always have a choice of recovery centres as they are always full but i do not mean to worry you but if possible try and find a recovery centre that has certified therapists so if there happens to be an underlying condition they can treat both. As hard as this is do try and take care of yourself as your family is going to need you. I would never go out and leave my son alone (yes at the age of 23) so i would take a hot bath and light a few candles.
Take care

Winnie

Indymom1

Posts: 8
Registered: 3/11/10

Re: The Importance of this Forum
Posted: Mar 12, 2010 1:33 PM

Cindy,

I just found this forum yesterday and it is Wonderful! More people will be drawn here I'm sure. I will pass to word to people I think would be helped by it.