Hi everyone, as you know my son has been doing well and the court ordered appointments have really helped! However, we all know that things can change in a day! Today he relapsed in a huge way! Alcohol, zanax, etc.
I knew Thanksgiving was emotional for him but he got through. Within the last day he has lost two friends from addiction. One was awaiting a liver transplant, the other I'm not sure yet concerning the cause of his death.
This young man awaiting the liver transplant comes from a wealthy family (I say this because with all the money they have for rehab, etc, it still did not make a difference.) So, two more "beautiful boys" are gone too soon and it is heartbreaking! Please keep these families in your thoughts and prayers.
Hello Ann, I'm sorry to hear about your son. I know you are heartbroken and have been for some time. There is so much that we have absolutely no control over. I still don't have that statement clear in my head. Chuck says "What's it take Deb? A giant boulder to fall on your head? I want you to know I'm thinking about you. The sisterhood here is thinking about you. I'm sorry to hear about the two sons who just died. You are right, money won't solve a drug or alcohol problem. You could throw 10,000 a month at my daughter Stella and she will still be a mess. In fact money can make things worse. Stay strong, Love, Deb
Thanks everyone for your kind words. What a nice feeling to know that we can come here and share, when the rest of the world looks at us as though this would never happen to them! I call them "sunny day friends",,,and I hope and pray they never do have to experience an addicted loved one. Deb (Waterdance), you have talked about reading the book "Emotional Resilience" many times. I have never read it. However, yesterday and last night I kept thinking "as heartbreaking as this is, that he has relapsed, for some reason I handled it totally different than I have in the past?" Of course my heart sank, and I felt sad, angry, and emotional, but I also felt stronger. A year ago I would have wanted to get in bed, cover my head and stay there! Now, I remind myself and my son just how far he has come! So, I tell him to get up, brush himself off and move forward, then I pray for strength for him as I see the tears rolling down his cheeks from failing again. No, I am not an enabler, I am a mother and my heart will always feel pain for him and the others that I read about on this forum. Lord, please give us all strength, courage and wisdom as we travel this road, and help us to remember that as long as there is life, there is hope. I am truly thankful for all of you, Ann
Ann, the pain of dashed hopes is the most cruel. Your son is still alive so recovery is still possible, each day is a new beginning. I am so sorry for the other families, their loss must be horrible. Stay strong, you have many friends keeping you in their prayers.
Ann, I keep thinking about you and your son, and particulkarly the families of those boys whose lives were lost last week. What a tragedy. I hope you are doing well, you're in my prayers daily as is your son.
Oh, how terrible...As lori in irvine said, "be glad you HAVE your son with you right now". I am so sorry to hear of more horrible news.....prayers are with all of you and all of us that are trying to cope...
I am so sorry. Chin up. I do not like saying this but i believe it to be true. Relasp is part of Recovery. You are right to worry prior to relasp - the "specialists" say relasp starts long (how long depends on drug of choice and the individual) before the actual physical relasp. My son has relasped also. The last relasp there was no panic (still had the sickening feeling) I know i did not sleep till he was back in recovery but the lack of panic i would like to contribute to learning more about the desease and what needs to be done. Just like the addict needs lots of tools in their tool boxes so do the loved ones of addicts. As difficult as this is i always tell myself i will get thru this as i have other children that need me also. Take care
My heart goes out to you Ann. I had a really weird conversation about relapse with my brother yesterday. He is a recovering crack addict who relapses on a regular basis. We had a very matter of fact conversation about how crazy it is - going ahead and using in spite of exquisite knowledge of the horrendous consequences. He lives with the fact that tomorrow he may go on a crack binge in spite of knowing that it could kill him and that he DOES NOT WANT to use again. It is bizarre. He recommended a book - I have not yet read it "Grace and Addiction" by Gerald Mays. Apparently he discusses the tendency toward addiction (not just drugs but other things) that we all struggle with and also how it is by grace that addictions are overcome.
Thanks to everyone for your kind words and caring. Without each other this road would be so lonely. In the past three weeks two of my son's friends passed away and one is hanging on by a prayer! What I find interesting is that my son has not seen these high school friends in a long time. When they were in high school, it was cool to smoke pot, drink, hang out with the so called popular crowd, etc. Some stopped and others continued on the downward spiral that we know all too well. My son is still alive, so I have much to be thankful for, but my heart aches for the ones lost. I continue to hope and pray that my son as well as everyone's loved ones on the forum will survive addiction. All we can do is take care of ourselves (hard, I know) and hand them over to our Higher Power. Love to all, Ann