Replies: 18

bethmom Posts: 46 Registered: 6/4/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 1, 2009 9:03 PM   Reply Ginamac, I glad you will have some peace of mind for a while. You have done everything you could to help your husband. Hopefully they will keep him until he can handle things.

ginamac Posts: 143 Registered: 6/28/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 1, 2009 11:34 PM   Reply Thanks, I hope he stays there long enough to get the treatment he needs and be well on his way to recovery. I guess I spoke too soon regarding my son -- he was home all day, then tonight asked to borrow my car, long story short I caught him lying about where he was going. The bummer is when it rains or I go thru a car wash sometimes my passenger brake light goes out for a few days, weird, like a short, so anyway it poured all day today so I'm sure he'll be out joyriding with the buddies and someone will have beer in my car and he'll get pulled over because of the taillight and VOILA - end up in jail and with my car being towed. Call it a premonition, I sure hope I'm wrong on this one but its pretty much par for the course.

waterdance Posts: 624 Registered: 6/10/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 2, 2009 1:59 AM   Reply Dear ginamac.....I'm glad you have a spot for your husband...at least for awhile. It will take some stress off. About your son: Please don't project more than there is. I use to do that all the time. It will drive you crazy..absolutely crazy. Chances are all will be alright. I don't know how to tell you to let go of their problems. It's taken me years but I'm learning to do this. Wayne Dyer on TV today said to have good thoughts 5 minutes before you fall asleep. I'm going to try that tonight. Thinking of you, Deb....waterdance

waterdance Posts: 624 Registered: 6/10/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 3, 2009 3:58 AM   Reply Hi Gina....Hope all is peaceful for you and yours tonight. I had a Willie Nelson tape on tonight...Country music can really bring up a lot of emotions. I like almost all of it except rap. Like the blues the most. I would become a blues singer except I can't sing.Ran out of canned cat food, fed those babies tuna. They thought it was their birthday. Write, Let us know how you are. Love. Deb ...waterdance

Rosena Posts: 515 Registered: 6/8/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 3, 2009 8:28 AM   Reply Ginamac Your story with your husband is a perfect example of what I am talking about in the Are they really a victim posting. Until your husband is willing to partake in the help everyone around him wants him to have, it will do no good, so how much is that making HIM the victim? He has the choice whether to want help or not. It is all in his hands and I feel it is a matter of choice. He can choose, just like any other sick person, to get help or continue the way he is.

steppingoutoftheway Posts: 54 Registered: 6/15/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 3, 2009 11:35 AM   Reply Hello Gina, Nice job taking care of yourself. Homemade chili and cookies...nice! Take it easy, one day at a time. Try not to let your son off the hook. Keep your boundaries! Peace, Marie

ginamac Posts: 143 Registered: 6/28/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 3, 2009 1:43 PM   Reply Hi guys, just a quick lunch-hour post to update you. Husband called me NONSTOP last night to go to the hospital and "talk to them so they let me out" in his words. I kept saying NO, YOU NEED TO STAY THERE AND LET THEM HELP YOU. At that point he was still detoxing. Since I had to sign a 96-hour involuntary affidavit, he's there until tomorrow. He's very angry at me. WHO CARES. He needs help that I cannot give him and you're right - until he decides to do it he won't get well. Son brought the car home (very late and with a mysterious scratch on it). Today I left him my car and drove husband's truck to work so son could go job-hunting. He's still sleeping and its almost 1pm. These men exhaust me. Hope everyone is having a good day. Deb that's a riot feeding the cats tuna, I fed the dog a fancy sample can of "gourmet dog food" and he had the p00ps for hours afterward. Oh well.

ginamac Posts: 143 Registered: 6/28/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 3, 2009 1:47 PM   Reply OH and I left a message for both his social worker and his doctor to call me. I called the nurse and told her he has been calling me nonstop to come get him, she said "don't worry, he's not being discharged." Every time I think about him coming home I start to feel like I'm suffocating. He has nowhere else to go, even his parents won't take him in, nor will his friends or his favorite uncle. Our sons have washed their hands of him also, I feel sad for him and will always love him but at the same time just want him to go away.

Rosena Posts: 515 Registered: 6/8/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 3, 2009 2:05 PM   Reply I hope things aren't going downhill for your son too! Is he doing anything active for his own recovery? Maybe I am too guarded, but it appears as if he might be slipping already. You know, by time we actually catch them, they have been active for awhile.

Ann Posts: 646 Registered: 6/6/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 3, 2009 4:04 PM   Reply No longer on this forum. Message was edited by: Ann

sweet jane's mom Posts: 81 Registered: 5/10/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 3, 2009 4:05 PM   Reply I'm glad you're hanging in there. Having been in your postion (with a child, not a spouse), I have to ask - I really don't mean to be critical or over-bearing, but I know what my experience has been. Do you have to let your son use your car? Nothing good has ever come out of my daughter using my vehicle. Sometimes I think that the main reason she ever stays sober is because she wants a job to put gas in her car. She has a history of driving under the influence and damaging vehicles - she has terrible judgement about driving when she's using and I won't have anything more to do with it. I think about you often and hope you're doing well.

Ann Posts: 646 Registered: 6/6/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 3, 2009 4:26 PM   Reply No longer on this forum. Message was edited by: Ann

waterdance Posts: 624 Registered: 6/10/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 3, 2009 5:00 PM   Reply Hi All.....Do not let these drug-out drinking booze kids drive your cars. Friend of mine: In 2005 let her 16 year old drive drunk 21 year old home...just five blocks. He turned the car over, 21 year-old died, 16 year old was sent to a reform school for over a year. My friend almost lost her house over this.Tell them to take a bus, walk, get a bike. My brother who I take care of drives like a wild man (doesn't do drugs or drink, thank goodness). We won't let him use any car or truck we have. We will not lose all we have because of his driving.If they want a job really they will find a way. If you drive them charge them. Take charge. Get your power back. Love Deb....waterdance

Ann Posts: 646 Registered: 6/6/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 5, 2009 10:42 PM   Reply No longer on this forum. Message was edited by: Ann

ginamac Posts: 143 Registered: 6/28/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 6, 2009 1:58 PM   Reply Ann you're so sweet to check on me. I'm ok, I'm in the process now of moving on with my life sans husband. He was in the hospital for exactly 96 hours (per the affidavit I signed) and they released him with a script for Seroquel (again) and Celexa (anti depressant). I've decided I want off of the merry go round he's had me on for too long. When your husband tells you in 8 months time THREE TIMES he wants out, ok well third time's the charm. I've tried to fix him, counsel him, nurse him back to health repeatedly but I can't keep doing it. I enjoyed my almost 2 weeks without him and his drama. So I am providing shelter and health insurance for him until he gets a job and can provide his own. We're trying to be amicable about this, we'll see how far that goes. He will not seek treatment for his alcoholism and I am fed up with trying to convince him to do so. Ta dah. I feel good! Very focused, and reading "Emotional Resilience" every evening! thanks Deb for that hint. Thanks again Ann, you're so sweet to ask how I'm doing.

Rosena Posts: 515 Registered: 6/8/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 6, 2009 2:04 PM   Reply that's good! I'm glad you know what direction you are heading in. You sound strong and confident. That's a good thing! Sorry to hear about your husband, but as we know, he chooses his path!

ginamac Posts: 143 Registered: 6/28/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 6, 2009 3:33 PM   Reply Thank you Rosena! I know for a fact I wouldn't feel this strong and confident and at peace without all of your guidance and support and everyone on here being so helpful making me see I need to take care of ME!! Much love and thanks to you all!

Ann Posts: 646 Registered: 6/6/09 Re: Update on husband Posted: Aug 6, 2009 10:51 PM   Reply No longer on this forum. Message was edited by: Ann