motto
Posts:
10
Registered:
11/9/10
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Re: Follow Up on Need Advice
Posted:
Dec 9, 2010 11:01 AM
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Fatima, I can't imagine how hard that must have been for you to see your daughter looking so frail. I think it's a hopeful sign that she came to see you. In spite of the disease that is overwhelming her body, your child is still in there, and she still loves you.
When my son was totally out of control, we were lucky to have a juvenile court system that was willing to work with us. When he got arrested for burglary, we let them keep him in detention rather than take him home in our custody. He was placed on probation and house arrest. We waited for him to violate his probation (we knew he would, he was an addict after all). He did. Then, as hard as it was, we called the police and his probation officer. His probation officer talked to the judge, and the judge offered him jail or rehab. He knew what jail was like, so he chose rehab. Thank God. This was his turning point. He came out clean, relapsed once, and has been clean now for over a year.
It was a huge gamble. But I was willing to risk being hated in order to save his life. That's what it came down to: preserve the pathetic shreds of what was left of our relationship, or try to save his life. No choice at all, really.
There's nothing quite like the shame and devastation of seeing your kid in handcuffs, in jail, standing before a judge, or the wicked hatred in their eyes as they blame you for everything. Or their horrible words. We experienced all of this. But it was better than death.
You asked, "don't they need to hear our cries and our words of wisdom?" They can't hear us. They are too sick. Their brains are literally disabled from the drugs. It's like trying to make a person with Alzheimer's Disease start remembering things. The only thing our words do is give them more stress, which gives them an excuse to use more. So save your breath. Text her that you love her. Don't ask for explanations and don't discuss addiction, just remind her you love her. You obviously do.
Then, if you can stomach it, see if you can arrange for her to get arrested so she can get some help. I always believed that addicts had to be "willing" for treatment to work. My son was not "willing" at all. As we dropped him off at treatment, he said he hoped we would crash our car and die on the way home. Yet, after 2 months in rehab, things began to change. He became himself again, and there is love in our home again. Last week he texted me "I love u so much. I would nvr be who i am without u." Unbelievable!! So, don't lose hope. Things can get better even when it seems impossible, or too late.
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