Houghton Mifflin Discussion Forums

Replies: 6

SAD CARING MOTHER

Posts: 1
Registered: 10/12/10

IS MY HOPE LOST
Posted: Oct 12, 2010 10:29 PM

I have two sons who are addicted to meth one is 28 and the other 25 I have let go I am giving up any hope and I hurt so much I cry when I am alone driving to work I pray everday that god intervins some how. I cant sleep at night I worrie so much I will get a call that they have been killed. I am on depressent meds. to help me cope, they call me asking mefor food and I make excuses why i cant got them. and at timesItell them that is the life they choose. but they are so out of there mind they think im just being mean. I was so close to my sons now I just dont knowehat to do anymore when they leave me message saying they want to come home.but my husband and I decided not to let them befoe they would come sleep for days then go back out. I dont know what to do I have no means of paying for rehab. and iI know there killing there self .please give some answers

mayabee

Posts: 89
Registered: 9/10/09

Re: IS MY HOPE LOST
Posted: Oct 13, 2010 8:41 AM

So sorry for what you're going through. Meth is my son's drug of choice, and he continues to struggle to stay clean. Are there Nar-anon meetings in your area? If so, I highly recommend trying some meetings. If Nar-anon is not available, try Al-Anon. Having a support group of people who understand can be incredibly helpful.

If your sons really want to quit, there may be some low cost rehab options such as The Salvation Army or Teen Challenge. (As I understand it, Teen Challenge is not just for teenagers.) Many people get clean without rehab by going to NA or CMA meetings.

Of course, you can't control what they do, as hard as it is to admit. I still find that hard to accept when it comes to my son. Just do what you can to take care of yourself. Glad you came here for support. People here truly understand what you're going through.

waterdance

Posts: 624
Registered: 6/10/09

Re: IS MY HOPE LOST
Posted: Oct 13, 2010 9:38 AM

Hello! mayabee is right. The posters on this forum do understand. Go back through the forum and read the past postings, it will help. I have lost a son to meth five years ago and will lose a daughter to meth. The past 5 years have been a living hell and I almost died twice in 2009 because of acute stress. I started reading the co-depentent books, books on right-brain thinking, spiritual, timeshifting books. And of course this forum has helped me think about helping others. My husband Chuck and I no longer help any addict on both sides of our families, not a nickle.We have spent thousands trying to "help". I would hate to add it up. You and your husband must find your lives again for yourselves and others in your family. Thinking of you, Deb

Ann

Posts: 646
Registered: 6/6/09

Re: IS MY HOPE LOST
Posted: Oct 13, 2010 10:10 AM

Dear Sadcaringmother, I feel your pain, I understand your pain, and so do all of the other wonderful people on this forum. Addiction is hell on earth and most of us have made ourselves sick with worry to the point that we have experienced health problems.

One thing I have learned is that they will take whatever you give them, food, a little rest, etc. just so they can go back out and do it again. There are many tricks of the trade, like taking groceries out of your kitchen that have not been opened and getting a store credit at the grocery store to buy alcohol, cigarettes, etc. Then trading them for drugs. Taking things of value to a pawn shop to get enough money for their next high. On and on it goes. The intense craving for a drug becomes their only goal.

It is truly heartbreaking and my heart goes out to you. You may think that there must be something you can do, but no matter what we do, it's really up to them. All you can do is love them and stand strong, offering to help them get some kind of help and pray that they will want it.

I don't have the answers, I wish I did. Please take care of yourself and know that we all care about you. You are not alone.
Hugs to you,
Ann

Fatima

Posts: 125
Registered: 12/30/09

Re: IS MY HOPE LOST
Posted: Oct 13, 2010 2:52 PM

Boy do I feel your pain! I too have 2 kids addicted. one to alcohol and the youngest doing meth. It's horrible, just kills us to see them destroying their lives. Please seek a support group. I have found caring, loving and understanding people in AlAnon. There is nothing you can do to save, cure or fix your kids. It's totally up to them. The Salvation Army and Teen Challenge are both free. I know this because my son was in both. All you can do is give them the information for them to make the call. I will keep you in my prayers.

Winnie

Posts: 105
Registered: 9/26/09

Re: IS MY HOPE LOST
Posted: Oct 14, 2010 11:19 PM

My husband and i struggle everyday because of addiction. We have now taken the stand the only help we offer is treatment. A doctor gave me advise that i follow everyday to keep me from enabling
1. you always love them
2. if they are clean you let them in the house
3. if they are trying to better themselves you help them as much as you are WILLING and ABLE
Please take care of yourself, i know that is difficult but start with just taking a few minutes for yourself and build from there.

Lori

Posts: 28
Registered: 9/29/10

Re: IS MY HOPE LOST
Posted: Oct 23, 2010 2:11 PM

I can relate to your desperation. I have been through a 3 year battle with my 22 year old's addictions and have come to realize that whether I give my son food and cigarettes or don't, it doesn't change anything, if he wants to use drugs he will even if it means homelessness, starvation and misery, there are no "bargaining chips", nothing I can offer that will influence his decision. I once cut my son off completely but he almost died, so I made a decision to leave the lines of communication open and if he asks me for food or cigarettes I'll give him that (never money though). When he is using he cannot live with us, but when he isn't we have taken him back. He goes in and out of recovery and it's very very difficult. One day I have hope and then my hopes are dashed. Perhaps someday my son will desire sobriety, when life knocks him around long and hard enough, I have doubts but only God knows. The motivation for them has to be deep and profound, we can do nothing to make that happen, just be there in case that day ever comes.