Good Afternoon, Monsoon rain today sometime. Can hear thunder off in the west. Baby our American Bulldog is under the computer desk shaking. She's a weather dog.
Went for MRI on lower back. Kept my eyes closed and thought about my wild sunflowers, drinking vodka tonics at the Plush Horse with old boyfriend Donald Shackhouse way back when (writing memoir about those years). Told two techs I had taken two anxiety pills before test. Younger one said "Who precribed them for test". I said "No one, I prescribed them myself". He said "What is the name of them?" I said "I don't know , they are teeny weeny white ones and cause me a lot of anxiety if I lose one!" Younger tech made a startled face, older one laughed.
Chuck and I are clean out our front room. Taking lots to sheds, lots to Sandi's thrift store, throwing out more. It's like peeling an onion. Like the results. Looking better every day. Chuck moved TV. Under it he found a pencil with Q-tip taped on!!?? Made by grandaughter M for what?? To maybe clean meth pipe out?? I learn more and more. This find didn't upset me. I'm accepting what is. Learning to think less and less about Stella and M and their actions. Thinking more about my life and the life I have with my husband, other relatives, my friends, what beauty the day brings me. I think about my friends on this forum. Hugs all around, Deb
I also gave my house a good clean a fews weeks back so we could put it on the market to sell. I found another hiding spot of my sons. I calmly got a garbage bag and told my husband not to bring it to the end of the driveway until the garbage truck was just coming (didn't want any kids or animals getting into it) I think i was calm because my son is in treatment - but i would also like to think i am learning to calm down. All i said to my husband was i hope we were not becoming to accepting of our son's addiction
I did the same thing when I had an MRI...little white pills, anti-anxiety...they help when the going gets rough and the nights sleepless. I'm on sta-cation for two weeks, I'll never do this again, I'm bored and alone and just keep getting inside my own head. Not a good thing, too much to think about, too much thinking. Worked on my garden today and replaced a messed up drainpipe. My court case is getting worse, stretching out, lots of allegations and money but no outcome. Yup, little white pills for the anxiety. I hate taking anything but every so often I will take one so I can sleep for a bit. The older I get the harder it gets. Worked all my life, raised two kids by myself, bought a house by myself, now they want to take everything I worked for. Doesn't seem fair but I'm strong. This too shall pass.
Hi all, I do believe those anti anxiety pills are .25 xanax, I used to get them for when I'd fly, white knuckle flyer.
Been a great day for me, just moved OUT of the condo I was renting, did the walk-through and got my deposit back, now EVERYTHING i own is under one roof instead of 3 places all over town. My 19 yr old addict son is NOT invited to live here with me and the wonderful man I am starting a new life with, I gave him 35 days notice and he waits until the last day to start looking for a job and place to live. OH WELL. He's been unemployed and using off and on for months, last week I let him run up the street in my car and he was gone 3 hours, I had to get a ride to his friend's house to GET my car. He had taken pills and drank, says he's not using heroin anymore but my other son stopped by and saw the telltale sink full of salt water and ice cubes in a towel. He's letting his brother stay with him a few days, we'll see how that goes. I'm happy and feel like I'm on vacation every day now with no one to take care of but myself. Cold hearted? perhaps. Maybe this will force him to get on his own two feet. Or not. One of his friends killed himself last week, bottle of sleeping pills. Perhaps he'll start taking life seriously? I hope. Hugs to all of you who know the pain of an addict child.
Hi ginamac, Hey It's good to hear from you. You have the same old stories going with your son but you sound much better. You are holding your own. I can see that.
I'm better...still have many drug stories from my tribe but they are no longer in this house, on this property. And Chuck and I will not put one penny out, no matter how sad the story sounds. We have paid for enough drugs and drug problems...thousands upon thousands of dollars. And each time we deluded ourselves into thinking we were "helping" and that their lives would straighten up. When I hear that house payments haven't been paid, car insurance unpaid, electricity cut off I don't feel a bit surprised. When drugs are number one this is what happens. We have been through the rehab, methadone route. Stella my daughter knows she can go to V A rehab anytime at no cost.
Thinking of you. A big hug to you tonight. Love, Deb
Hello Carrie, Up early this morning rereading the posts. I'm in such pain that I miss much (like your post).....My heart goes out to you. I feel somewhat like you....I raised 3 kids, grandkids (two of them for years) worked hard, gave too much. I have lost one kid to death, another is deep into meth and all that goes with it. I think of daugther Stella everyday but know our relationship can never return. Way too much has been said, done, and now she is a criminal.(uncovicted but still a criminal) I could never trust her again in my house and the main thing is I can't trust her emotionally. I do read the codependent books everyday and they help me move on with my own life. It's a real battle. I take two steps foreward and one back. Some days I'm back to ground zero. Carrie, You can move on too. Can you save your house? The main thing is to save your own life.Let us know how you are. Hugs and love to you, Deb