Replies: 15

Fatima Posts: 125 Registered: 12/30/09 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Jun 18, 2010 8:28 PM   Reply I just called to get more info. and was told that she was released!! I think she has a court date in 6 weeks. I feel disappointment because I thought this was our chance to get her clean and sober in jail.

JLP2 Posts: 64 Registered: 2/22/10 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Jun 18, 2010 9:30 PM   Reply Hang in there, I have been in your shoes and it is so hard. My advice is to let the legal system work if you can and don't pay out anything. We let our son sit for 30 days and it left an impression of which I remind him. Just recently he relapsed and was very angry and argumentative as he came out of it. He spouted that he was just going to go do his time in jail and leave treatment right then. I reminded him of how he begged to get out of there because of the fears he had while there and he changed his tune. If she has been ROR then she is responsible to be where she is supposed to be and if not they will pick her up and she will sit. After they turn 18 our hands are very tied and we have little to say about anything. It is frightening to say the least. Take care of yourself.

fourm's Posts: 4 Registered: 8/15/10 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Aug 15, 2010 9:01 PM   Reply My advice to you is to get her into an outdoor wilderness program such as SUWS and Phoenix outdoor they did answer our prayers for my son it is an amazing program my son had a spiritual healer for a therapist who made incredible progress with him in 8 weeks more than any therapy he has had in four years trust me it works these kids need to be totally removed from everything all outside distractions

Fatima Posts: 125 Registered: 12/30/09 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Aug 16, 2010 2:01 PM   Reply Hi and thank you for your post. We did place our daughter in a wilderness program back when she was almost 17 and then she spent 1 year at a Therapeutic Boarding Home. It was a great program, sadly she walked out soon after turning 18, from then on she's been on her own using and selling herself for money. She has court this coming Thursday the 19th for her arraignment. This may be just what we have been praying for, that the courts mandate treatment.

missmymom Posts: 32 Registered: 5/23/10 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Jun 18, 2010 9:22 PM   Reply I just reread some of your older posts about your son and now for you to have this happen with your daughter just breaks my heart. I can not give you advise but I can tell you that my prayers tonight go out to you and your family. Stay strong.

mayabee Posts: 89 Registered: 9/10/09 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Jun 19, 2010 12:16 PM   Reply I am so sorry that this happened. However, this may be just what your daughter needs to get her out of the drug lifestyle she'd been living. If this is her first offense she may have a good shot at rehab rather than prison. If I were you, I'd be reluctant to bail her out. We bailed our son out several times and he told us later that it just made him think that we'd always rescue him & he'd never have to face up to consequences. I know that this is heart-breaking- but at least your daughter is safe- I know that's ironic to think that someone is safer in jail but for some of our kids that's the case. We did help our son out with an attorney, who did an excellent job and worked out a solution that I think was fair both to the community whose laws he broke and to our son. Our son ended up spending 4 months in jail on his last offense plus time in a halfway house- not prison, which was a good thing, but he definitely had to face some consequences. Once he is done with his legal obligations he certainly could go back to using- nothing would surprise me- but I think the enforced clean time and structure may very well have saved his life. Hang in there. I know how very hard this is. Message was edited by: mayabee

Fatima Posts: 125 Registered: 12/30/09 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Jun 19, 2010 1:37 PM   Reply Thank you both for responding so quick. I posted last night that she was released, however she has court in 2 months. To our disappointment she didn't stay long enough to get clean and sober. Now we need to plan how to get her some help, either hire a lawyer or through a public defender. We have spent on her over $70,000 in the past 3 years, so we can't afford much. According to my daughter this woman she lives with took full responsibility and is still in jail, which leads me to suspect that this woman wants my daughter to continue to work for her (she's a pimp)and provide her meth addiction (my girl is now weighing 100 lbs. at 5'3.) What I am concerned about is that they'll throw out her case for lack of evidence and she won't get help. Do any of you know about contacting a court advocate or how to speak to the judge directly? she's in the San Bernardino area of California. Thank you so much for your prayers and advice.

mixnroll Posts: 59 Registered: 5/23/10 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Jun 19, 2010 6:59 PM   Reply I don't live in CA so I don't know about there specifically. However through my work I know something about the court systems and victim advocacy. I would suggest you contact the victim advocate that works for the DA on the case. They may be hesitant to talk to you because they work with victims not defendants.. However I would tell them you are really concerned about her drug problem and are really hoping that she will get treatment as part of the disposition on the case. Whoever she has a lawyer I would tell them the same thing. Often if it is a first offense both sides really want to plead the case. But you need to let the DA know that your main concern is her drug problem. Now given that it is a drug offense that is somewhat obvious which is good. The court system can work in situations like this to push treatment which is what she needs. It also helps if the court sees that there is caring family involved who wants this as well. Good luck and keep us posted.

mayabee Posts: 89 Registered: 9/10/09 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Jun 20, 2010 4:55 PM   Reply Sounds like really good advice from mixnroll. I am not in CA either so don't know about their courts but am sure you could contact someone in DA's office. Hang in there - know this is a stressful time.

waterdance Posts: 624 Registered: 6/10/09 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Jun 24, 2010 2:38 PM   Reply Hello Fatima, I have been thinking about you for days now. Please write and let us know how you are doing. Have you heard from your daughter? What was so important to get her out so soon? The bail: they give up 5,000 on a 50,000 bail. Was it reduced? If your daughter is invovoled with a prostitution ring someone may have wanted her released because of what she knows. Are these evil people using underaged girls? I know you feel crazy right now. You must feel so powerless. It's like she is involved with a cult. I know you feel that much needs to be investigated but please remember that these people are dangerous sociopaths.So be careful what you say to your daughter if you are seeking an investigation. Also remember that the law moves so slow. Your daughter's case may not hit the final day in court for a year or more. I've been through a few of these nasty court things and it takes forever. And most of the time justice is not done. Money passes hands. I know what I write is depressing but I feel that if you face some things now the sooner you will start taking care of yourself for the sake of yourself and the rest of your family.Love to you, Deb

raining tears Posts: 9 Registered: 8/22/10 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Aug 28, 2010 7:47 AM   Reply hi my son has violated his probation and he was to go back before the judge.. I hope they put him in jail.. we need a brake......... maybe he will think about all this he has been in rehab in a very good one twice. I think your right about them knowing that the parents will be there to bail him out. No more for us We have not work hard all these years to pay for him to get out of the trouble.. He has taking alot of are things from us and we have had to go to the pawn shop to get them back but one thing he took from me was my wedding ring and i will never never see that again a 8,000 ring and he got 300.00 dollars for it. i'm thinging about you janice raining tears

waterdance Posts: 624 Registered: 6/10/09 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Aug 28, 2010 1:00 PM   Reply Good Morning raining tears, Good Morning All, So sorry to hear Janice about your recent problems with your son. After years of dealing with drug addicted kids my husband Chuck and I quit cold. Not one penny more will we send anywhere....not to mine...not to his family. Nor will we house any of them. Nor do I any longer care if they are homeless.Also certain relatives are no longer allowed in our house. Now this is what decades of dealing with addicted people have done to us.Take care. Deb

jlt1021 Posts: 1 Registered: 8/29/10 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Aug 29, 2010 1:24 AM   Reply Hello. First of all let me say how sorry I am that your family is going through this "hell" on earth. My son was arrested in January after numerous struggles during his teens. He is 24 now. He was sentenced to drug court. He was sober for 5 months before he relapsed twice. Drug Court has been the best thing for us. After scratching their heads not knowing what to do with my beautiful boy...they finally ordered him to the doctor and he has since been diagnosed as bipolar. I feel like we finally are getting the help he needs. It is soooo very hard on us. It is an emotional roller coaster. I wish your family the best and hope that your daughter will receive the help from our system.

sweetdreams Posts: 2 Registered: 8/28/10 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Aug 30, 2010 10:49 PM   Reply i hoppe u get through this hard time. I am really glad that my son who is 19 hasnt touched any drugs! so all i have to say is i am very very lucky!!!! but i will pray for you and your daughter

motherofworry Posts: 2 Registered: 9/15/10 Re: My daughter just got arrested - Need advice Posted: Sep 15, 2010 4:14 PM   Reply I have learned that tough love will only lead to more negative results. We let our son sit in jail for 69 days because we thought it would get him clean. We found out that it wasn't just drugs it was mental illness and jail not the place for that! You need to do what you can to support her and at such a young age there are facilities that can help. I say we need to save them while they are young! Hang in there at least you know she is safe that is what helped me for the past 3yrs of my son's illness!