Just thought i would update you on the car issue. We had the meeting with the school which was ok. He is frustrated because he feels he worked hard and it wasn't totally rewarded. On the way home he asked me about car use. I knew this would happen he would ask as soon as he could and not wait until my husband i were both there....and then of course I am the bad guy. He was not happy and claims he has never driven while high and he just told me that recently for the sae of our argument. Ha. Anyway I just told him we didn't know one way or another that we didn't trust him not to and that we couldn't take the risk. That if he was high and got into an accident we could be sued and lose EVERYTHING and that we couldn't take that chance. I am sure he will try and work on us some more but i feel good fhat I have stated my stand.
Same thing happened to me today too. He has been clesn for almost a month still home and on suboxen we just let him take my car for the fist time the other day to go to starbucks, he was back in 20 minutes(good,seemed fine). Today I drove him to physical therapy and at home he asked if he could go to burger king. We said okay take my car. He wants to know why he can't use his car. I told him you have no money for gas and you just got another ticket(speeding $330.00) and we can't afford anymore. We are still in limbo here. That is the only time he has left the house this month besides walking the dog. He is not going to any outpatient therapy or to any meetings. That is why when he went out these 2 times I just wait, look at the clock and wait. He sees the doctor Friday he should be done with the detox so we told him he has to make the decision either outpatient again or inpatient but he must do something. I am just waiting for Friday.
one of the problems is that we give an inch and they take a mile. This is mainly due to the addictive personality itself, all gas and no brake. They often succeed at wearing us down because their motivation to use and energy to attack our defenses is almost supernatural. It's uncanny how they can sniff out any weakness and exploit it. If they only understood the lengths parents will go to save their children and how much we love them.
So well said, Lori! I love the "all gas and no brake" analogy! My kid is so charming and can sound so reasonable. I want to believe that he is becoming (has become) the person I want him to be. If I believe maybe it will be true....I guess that is the essence of denial.