peg
Posts:
26
Registered:
5/3/10
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our story -5
Posted:
May 3, 2010 10:53 AM
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what people feel on the INSIDE can be quite different from what we THINK they should be feeling..based on what's going on on the OUTSIDE.
I know that my insides don't always match what's going on in my external world.
I sometimes feel anxious or even depressed for no apparent reason...even when life is going great.
so...he suffers.
whether (anyone else thinks) he has a reason to suffer or not.
and really...we ALL have reasons.
we suffer.
it is part of being human.
I know that there's a hole in him that he, as of yet, has been unable to fill.
I know TONS about addiction....and I know he is right there...right on the edge....
and I know the downward spiral...and the depths to which addiction can take us...
and still, I cannot save him.
I am so grateful for my own experience in addiction (I never thought I'd be able to say that...it has brought me so much pain)...
if I'd not been through what I have, my son would not be in treatment right now.... I would not have known.
I know he's in a great facility and I know that he's getting help...
I know that he has a chance...and I do have hope.
lots of hope.
but I also know about that hole that is so difficult to fill...and so far... drugs are the only way that he's come even close to filling it.
I fear for him....
and I wonder what I could have done differently...
and I suffer.
and I pray.... I denied the existence of God for many years...but now, I pray...a LOT.
I know I am doing all of the right things...and still...I wonder what more I can do.
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