peg
Posts:
26
Registered:
5/3/10
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our story - 4
Posted:
May 3, 2010 10:50 AM
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For people like me and, I believe, for my son (both of them actually)... there is definitely a biological factor...but there's also the EMOTIONAL factor....I've always gambled...but it never got out of control until after the death of my mom...my best friend... when I was 32.
My relapse, after nearly two years 'clean' was after giving birth to our third son who had died in the womb.... and caring for my father-in=law who was dying of cancer.
One day I thought "look what I've been through...who could blame me?".... the truth is...I'd always known I would gamble again...when I had a good enough 'reason'.
When I stopped in 2002..I remember thinking...I didn't want to STOP...I just wanted to learn how to control it...I wanted to learn how to gamble like 'normal' people...I could not imagine a life without gambling...to NEVER go to a casino again? it was a horrific thought... life without gambling didn't seem DULL...it seemed inTOLERABLE.
this.... even tho I had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars (we were six figures in debt)... I was in danger of losing my husband and children...all of which I adored. You know... it did cross my mind, that, if he left me, at least then I'd be free to gamble any time I wanted without lying or making excuses.
ok- so I get it.
maybe that's why I am so worried...and cannot stay in the day.
I know him.
I know he's in pain.
from what? one might ask...
honestly...his life has been pretty good...some might say REALLY good....he's got an intact family with two parents who very much love each other AND their children...he's funny...handsome... he's got a really high iq but school has been difficult for him due to learning disabilities...but...
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