I'm at work and can only chat real fast but a friend suggested I involve NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) in my husband's situation. You can get an order from a judge to have them hospitalized for observation/evaluation for up to 96 hours. I'm seriously considering doing this. If anything, that's long enough to detox him and evaluate his mental state.
It occurred to me that last October he nearly drowned (boat tipped over, was trapped under a dock, etc) and it could be some sort of post-traumatic stress thing or lack of oxygen or something, if I had to pinpoint a time when he "changed" that would be it. Its not just his alcoholism but extreme depression as well I think.
Any experiences with NAMI or has anyone done this?
I did not contact them, I called my husband's parents, who basically said "we'll pray for you, keep us posted" and then I called my husband's best friend since childhood, who said he had called him as well and that the friend was going to see husband today after work. Who knows if he went or is there now. I figured I'd wait and see.
Husband said to me today "I don't feel good, I'm not doing well" and I said "ok then get yourself healthy, get outside, get something to eat, YOU are the only one who can take charge of your future, not me, I tried and tried and failed. Get to a doctor, get help for yourself." He said "fine I get it, just stop yelling at me". Whatever. I have no clue what to do Saturday when he has to check out of his hotel. I DON'T WANT HIM COMING HOME. I feel suffocated at the thought of it.
Ginamac, Is there any way your husband would agree to go into a treatment facility that deals with alcoholism and psychiatric problems. I don't know what area you live in but there are treatment centers for dual diagnosis? My daughter was in one and they worked on both problems but it requires follow up with counseling. It sounds like he needs help from professionals
Thanks for the suggestion but we tried that already, after YEARS of refusing treatment (and quitting on his own for short periods) he finally went to a hospital a few weeks ago when he had uncontrollable anxiety attacks and was drinking nonstop to try to help, they kept him 3 days and he checked himself out. They gave him some meds (which he didn't take for long) and I asked if he'd PLEASE consider going to the rehab program nearby that our son just went through for 21 days, he said no way.
I just don't know what else to do, like that friend of mine told me, sometimes the best thing to do for someone is do nothing at all. So that's where I stand right now I guess. See if he wants to get better or just die. It has to be up to him, like all of our addicts, THEY have to want to get better, we can't force it, try as we might. I went out of my mind trying for years to fix him.
ginamac, It seems you have done all you can and now the rest is up to him. The signs of depression seem to be all there and until he sees that for himself, there is nothing anyone can do. What options do you have should he come home on Saturday? Is there a friend or family member you can visit should his behavior continue and he returns home? I admire your strength through all of this. Stay strong and I hope he gets the help he so badly needs. My daughter decided to start her recovery as she was so tired of being so sick and tired. It sounds like he is getting tired and is sick, now he just has to take the first step...again.
Hi Ginamac...Good Lord, what now?? You can't go on paying for a hotel room and you can't continue to support him in the condition he's in. You may have to get a restraining order. I tried for years and I mean years to get Jack to go into a hospital or the like. Finally I took the 3 kids, my brother, two dogs and a black kitten and left him. Don't even know how I did that. I was 28 years old, didn't have the brains to realize how tough it would be. Is your life better with him gone?? Thinkingof you,deb