My 16 year old son is in rehab, has been since May 2010, and on July 5 will be one year sober. He is set to come back in August and the anxiety is creeping back in. The last year has been good, if not great, not living with addiction, courts, arrests, drugs, sneaking out and the ER. I met my wife again -- seems like a lovely woman. I think I'll try to get to know her.
We are breathing now, have done some Al Anon work, tried to get the 3 C's from the brain and into the heart. But, as my kid says about 12 steps, "its easier said then done."
I picked up Beautiful Boy yesterday and finished it today. Thanks for writing that book. It was sobering. I need sobering and a reminder, "Addiction is a progressive disease characterized by relapse and is terminal if not treated." Rinse, repeat 100 times.
We all want so much to believe this is over, that he is cured but I know damn well that is not true. He's had a good rehab year, did well in school up there in Montana. He wants to be trusted when he returns. Yeah, well, we all do. I'd love to trust him, too. Would love not the second guess myself when he asks to go to the park and I say yes. I feel the anxiety creeping in, the doubt, the nervousness, the fear -- and he's not even back yet. Damn it!
It's a journey, I know. This detachment business is a struggle but I know it is key. It is his life, I can't cure it. How much should I do? what school should he go too? What IOP? AA & NA, sponsors? how do I get ready? Where's my relapse plan? Do I have any more money left?
I had an argument with my wife (my son's step mom) about it already. She says, "I didn't sign up for this." Yup, neither did I but yet we are here. Addiction sucks!