I am still reading Beautiful Boy. I am having a very hard time getting through it because I can't seem to stop crying while I am reading it. David's pain is just like mine. You see I have a son who started smoking pot and then went to other drugs and finally started doing meth. I keep all my pain to myself and I try to figure out what went wrong. He is at rehab right now. He has been there for 27 days now. He has to complete the year program or he will go back to jail for 5 years. I am writing in a journal everyday to try to help with my sense of failure. I pray every night that he will find himself and find that man that I am proud of and believe in. My heart breaks for everyone that has posted on this site. I know how I feel and I truly hate that some other parent is going through this nightmare. I pray that God helps us all.
There's not much we can do. My son is in jail because he completely went mad and did threatening things with a gun. He seems incapable of coming back around anymore. It could be he is too far gone. I think what we go through is by far worse than parents who loose kids quickly to a death like a car accident. You cannot explain it to anyone, which is why David's book is so profound for us. He eloquently puts in writing all of our stories. I have been getting tougher, more apathetic, and I think it's the only way I can go on effectively because I no longer believe my son will change.
I completely understand about the gun. My son did the same thing, but to a loved one that always thought the world of him. He landed in jail and I let him sit there until he appeared before the jugde. It broke my heart not to bail him out, but if I did he would be back to using. At least while he was in jail I knew he was not doing meth and had a warm bed and being fed. It was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I pray every night that his year long stay in rehab will bring back the boy I once knew.
Is your son's stay in rehab court ordered? I'm hoping my son will have to do a long stay in rehab or a long stay in jail. Either way, our state has very little funding, so I'm scared they will give him minimum of either and we will be back to the dangerous level we were just before he was arrested. It's very dangerous for us now.
It is court ordered. I spoke with the prosecutor and told him that I know my son and if he let him out then he would be right back where he was. I want more for my son and I wanted him to have to go to rehab for a year. He knows that if he leaves the center before the year is up then he will be in jail for 5 years. One good thing I can see about this rehab is that it is ran by people who have been on drugs and have been drug free for more than 20 years. All I can do is keep praying that what he tells me when he calls is true and he is seeing what he did was wrong. My heart breaks for all the parents and spouses that have to go through this. I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would have a child who tried drugs and chose drugs over their family. It is the worst nightmare imaginable. I pray for you. I am sure you are as lost as I am.