Hello everyone I'm new here. I read both books back when they were released and met both Nic and David in a book reading in SD. I've been following the forum for almost 2 years just never posted anything, I guess maybe I saw this coming. I feel so lost. My brother currently 18 is not doing so well. We've been having serious problems with him for the last 4-5 years but now its worst than ever. I'm married with 2 children so I dont live at home anymore but hear of everything from my mom. I knew my brother had been smoking weed and expected it I suppose, but after telling him about Nic & David's book, countless episodes of Intervention, and advice over and over again from my mom, myself and my sister I thought my brother wouldn't be so blind. About 2 weeks ago my mom and him had a fight and he left home with my 2 cousins (who are also bad news) and all 3 are currently living with my uncle's relatives who are worse. My mom cleaned out his room and found lots of baggies of marijuana, tobacco, and a few empty bottles of prescription bottles. Most didn't have a label but one of them said "Diablo" (means devil in spanish). Has anyone ever heard of this? I looked it up online and the only thing I could find was some sort of LEGAL pills that produce some kind of euphoric experience or something stupid like that. What ever happened to healthy fun, where u just have fun without having to pop a pill. I felt awful. I txtd my brother trying to find different ways to convince him to stay with me (he has in the past). I told him I would help him find a job, and help him get his license and he doesn't want to. I've cried because I can't believe he'd rather be over there than with his family and it only makes me realize that he is deeper in this whole "fun" scene than I thought. At least in the past he'd come and spend a few days even weeks with me, especially when my husband is on deployment. I don't know what else to do. We've tried camps in the past when the problems first started, he spent weeks with his dad in Washington, he's on probation and has a DUI and he doesn't even have a license. He's currently 18 so I don't think we can force him to do anything, I'm just so lost and my mom is depressed. Especially right now with the holidays. Any advice would be appreciated. I guess in my heart I just feel that there is still time to save him before its too late where he won't turn back.
I am so sorry you find yourself here. It is so hard and it does make the holidays especially hard. I feel for you and your mom. My guess if she has found bottles of prescription meds he is definitely in deeper than weed.... somehow they feel if they admit to weed then that is not so bad and you will leave them alone. I would really suggest you and your mom find a good alanon meeting. If you could find one for parents that would be ideal. I started going about 8 weeks ago and it has been a huge help in just letting me know we are not alone. Many many people, who are good people and good parents, have a child who is addicted to drugs. Once he is 18 there really is not much you can do to help him, he has to realize that this is causing him a problem. Having him live with you would probably end up a nightmare for you and you don't want to do that to your kids. At this point I would not protect him from himself.. if he ends up getting arrested let it happen. If he ends up living on the streets well that is heartbreaking but he will figure out at some point hopefully that that is not what he wants. It is a fine line between helping and enabling at this point... and you don't want to help him so that he can use more drugs..... you only want to help if he really wants help to get clean. Good luck.
you closed with the words "there is still time to save him....." but the harsh reality of the situation is that we cannot save our addicted loved one, they can only save themselves. And it is not a question of your brother being "blind", it's the fact that addicts are enslaved by their cravings, and even though they know that their choices may lead to losing their homes, their loved ones, their sanity and even their lives, they are often powerless to escape the pull of their addiction. All you can do is express to your brother that you love him, and will do whatever you can to support his recovery should he seek this. Meanwhile, you are among the legion of family members on this forum engaged in that agonizing wait. Stay strong, there is support here for you, we understand your pain.
Lori, I understand and can only imagine the craving if he is addicted to something stronger which ofcourse he has not admitted to, why would he. But I call him blind because we always spoke about drugs when he was younger, I just dont know why he would "try" any drugs when he's seen so much and we've explained how once hard drugs come into the picture there is no turning back. I feel so sad and disappointed. For some reason when he told me he was only smoking marijuana I believed him... a few months ago he had admitted to popping a vicodin which is when I realized that none of our talks did any good. We watched episodes about a woman being addicted to vicodin on intervention, he saw this with and it was awful. Why WHY WHY would he try this. I'm just so lost on what I can do to encourage him to want to get better... I know at this point there is nothing I can do. He has to WANT to change. I told him I would help him if he intended to turn his life around and thats all I could do and would do, otherwise I can't help him. I love my brother so much and am just so afraid of loosing him to drugs, especially when he is living with my uncles relatives, its the worse place he can be. Xmas eve was filled with so many tears from my mom and I.