Houghton Mifflin Discussion Forums

Replies: 1

Basil Marigold

Posts: 1
Registered: 12/5/10

Holding onto hope
Posted: Dec 5, 2010 12:28 AM

I am not a mom. I am the aunt of an addicted nephew.

Thank you for stating what is difficult and true: there is no right answer; there is no right way; there is no guarantee. Thank you for offering consolation, permission ... even absolution ... to all the mistakes we (his parents, his grandmothers, me) make along the way in our efforts to help free our beautiful boy from his life and death struggle. And, most of all, thank you for that one pivotal statement: "Do not give up hope and do not give up on him."

Lori

Posts: 28
Registered: 9/29/10

Re: Holding onto hope
Posted: Dec 7, 2010 1:01 PM

You speak to me from the heart and I am moved by your words. I am so sorry for your pain, and I understand.

But please consider that the "mistakes" we made with our addicts are not, of themselves, bad actions. They would be merely "supportive" with any non-addict. Cell phones used to keep open lines of communication with our children become devices of destruction when used to call drug dealers. Computers used for homework are portals to online pharmacies. Addicts twist our simple acts of giving into something sinister. Enabling is a very tricky concept, and I think, in the desire to find explanations for the unthinkable, we lay blame with enabling as a major contributing cause, but it's not that simple. At some point with addicts, EVERYTHING we do is a form of enabling, even just loving them can be turned against us since it can give an addict courage to keep the status quo.

You speak the truth when you day that there is no right answer, no right way. I have not given up either, much as I have been encouraged to do so by many wise and compassionate people. I have to let my instincts and reason guide me one day at a time.

thank you for posting.