My son called me yesterday from jail telling me he got arrested over the weekend. He was at a rehab facility last month but decided to walk-out (we had paid the whole month) claiming the program was too hard and that people were using in the sober homes. So he ended going to a homeless program at a church which had him collecting donations in front of a supermarket. The saddest thing was that when I received the call from jail, I thought it was from my 19 year old daughter, who has a warrant for her arrest in the same county and jail. I was actually hoping it would be her since I've been trying to encourage her to turn herself in. So, instead it was my 31 year old son!!! After I hung up I was in shock, disbelief and so sad, MY TWO KIDS IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!!How insane is this? I haven't told my husband or anyone else except my oldest child. I feel numb and just so distraught over them. There is nothing I can do my son and no one will take him in anymore due to his violent & irrational behavior when he drinks/uses. My husband and I are terrified of him when he's in that state. He mentioned joining the Salvation Army for the 4th time! This time he is truly on his own. We have done so much these past 8 years. Please pray for me I don't know what to feel anymore.
Dear Fatima, I'm thinking of you and your's tonight. This feeling of helplessness can overwhelm. Please read all you can on spiritual healing and reread the co-dependent books. Somehow, someway you must gain control of yourself for your own health and for the others in your family. Right now you are being emotionally hijacked!! Every single day I force myself to see others. I force myself to come to this forum. I work at no going into the thousand mile stare.I'm sure you know what that is. All of us on this site are praying for your well-being, Fatima.Once the addict has been on drugs a long time their brain is no longer the same and whatever you say to them is forgotten in mere minutes. This fact has been tough for me to accept. My son John would come off of drugs from time to time. Impotant family issues I had told him about he would claim I never said anything. He truly did lose huge blocks of time. Remember while your kids are out of it you are facing all cold sober and your body and mind are taking a beating and you are living with constant fear. This you somehow have to change. Otherwise you will get sick and go down the drain with them. All the magical thinking in the world won't change what is. I still have very sad times but life is better for me and those in my life. I too had to make choices. Love to you, Deb
I know exactly what you are growing thru. Both of my kids (son 23 and daughter 27)are just skaking on thin Ice. Its a miracle that they havent both been sentenced to a long stay in jail...the difference between you and me is that I PRAY for jail for my son. He has also been to several rehabs and two salvation armys but always walks out of every rehab he has been to. He lies, cheats, steals from us and others, has burned every bridge with anyone decent in his life (ea family, friends) and also uses and deals. I believe that the only chance that he has of ever growing up is jail...at least they are housed, fed and drug free... they even offer AA and NA meetings. Ive come ALONG way in my thinking in the last 6 years.. If you would have ever told me that my son would go to jail someday I would have told you that you were crazy..I couldnt have handle the thought of it... now I am praying that he does. Its amazing what we as parents go through.
Having two kids in this situation must be overwhelming, I am so sorry for your ordeal. Your nightmare sounds so familiar, this pattern plays itself out the same way in many of our lives. I too wonder when/if it will ever end. Stay strong my friend.