Thank you for your replies. I went to a counselor for this and he told me I needed to save myself. I am trying to figure out how to do that. Everything you said makes sense and I will try to follow your advice and let you know how it goes. I feel so alone because I have other children and it distresses them to see me unhappy so I have to act like I am okay. I need someplace to talk it out. When I saw I had some replies I just started to cry because I need to talk to someone who understands. Last night at 10:30 I said, "I have a favor to ask you, please don't play video games tonight." He was angry and said "I'm leaving." I just calmly said "okay" and he left. But I keep thinking "will he kill himself?" Within minutes he was back home, and I thought it was to get his stuff, but he just went up to his room and stayed there. I left him alone, but it was quiet up there and I wondered "Is he alive or dead?" You can see how I have been affected by my brothers death. He was such a wonderful, good person and it never should have happened. I named my son after him. I am in such anguish. I need you.
Hi again, we are here for you every step of the way! Please keep coming back. Sometimes people pop in and out (including me) depending on what is happening in our lives, but eventually we will read and share. Should you ever need to talk and the forum is slow, you are welcome to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. If not, then just keep coming here and know that we care. Thinking of you, Ann
I feel for you. You are not alone. You do need to take care of yourself but i know that is easier said than done. Just take small steps. Ann always has very wise advise and comforting words so contact her directly when this website is not posting in a timely fashion