Haven't been on the boards in months, too depressed to write. My son was in a sober living home and clean for 6 months and then relapsed there on meds his addiction psychiatrist gave him, somehow she thought giving an addict Lyrica for insomnia was a good idea. He went on a binge. While my next door neighbors were away my son entered their home through a window and stole a credit card out of a handbag that was on a table (he didn't search the house or disturb anything, just took the card and bolted) He was caught on camera using it to buy $15 worth of gas and arrested, held on $50,000 bail for residential burglary. My son was caught for a petty theft at a store the week before so he was on some kind of crazy spree, prior to this he had a clean record, had just started a new job and passed an extensive background check. He has now lost his job. I think that living with a bunch of felons at the sober living home actually emboldened my son. He is facing a year in jail and will have a permanent strike. Right now there is a horrible case in the news about a mother and her daughters in Connecticut raped and murdered during a home invasion robbery. Well, our neighbors have daughters the same age, and freaked out, wrote a letter to the DA about how "terrorized" they feel and that they think my son is a dangerous and evil drug addict (some people knew my son went to rehab and it got churned through the neighborhood gossip mill). My son is home, out on bail now, our attorney is trying to do damage control but not accomplishing much, we are facing a very very tough court. I have had enough, wish I could just run off and leave this whole mess behind but I have nowhere to go. My husband is of no help, he's been my son's worst enabler and apologist and can't be trusted to make good decisions. This nightmare never ends.
Dear Lori, I'm so sorry to hear about your troubles with your son. Yes, I also think they just learn more criminal acts from our rehabs, sober living groups, jails, prisons. My oldest grandaughter M and husband M have been in and out of rehabs, jails, prisons. The stress and cost our entire family went through was unreal. Looking back now Chuck and I feel we should have had her charged and arrested when she took a check and somehow got it cashed for over 300. Her husband was involved also. There's lots more...lots of robbery in the family....then elsewhere. I can't tell you what to do but from what we have gone through I say take a tough stand and find a life for yourself and husband somehow. Every case is different, unique. The main thing is, quit being his victim. These problems get worse if they are treated lightly like my entire family did. Take care, Deb
Hi Lori, my heart goes out to you. My son has also been in and out of rehabs and soberlivings where people used, and yes many just released from prison. Sadly our sons have put themselves there through their terrible choices. I still struggle understanding if alcohol/drug addiction is a disease. I've met many who have finally gotten their act together even without AA, while my boy continues to relapse. Last week I got a call from his faith based program to tell me that he had relapsed while living in one of the homes looking for work. He was sent back to the main facility "ranch" and given 1 month before trying the soberhomes again. Because of his relapse we had to pay a fee. We've run out of money and can't continue paying for him, he's a man of 31! Like you Lori I too feel like running away. So tired of being disappointed. And yet, we need to remain strong and begin like Deb says to think about ourselves, save our marriages and enjoy life. Maybe jail time will help your son. At least he won't be using and you can work on yourself during that time. I hope his attorney can find a way to reduce the felony charge to a misdemeanor offense. You are in my prayers.
Lori, I agree that the system makes them harder and yes it is a neverending nightmare. I understand that you feel like running away but have no place to go. Most of us want to run, but our hearts won't let us. Sometimes just a little time away helps. Please take care of yourself. We care. Love, Ann