Hello to all, I've been reading the post and trying to catch up. My heart is full of sadness for all of us tonight. I usually want to respond to every post and try to offer some kind of comfort, but tonight I cannot find the right words.
The past three years with my son have been heartbreaking, horrifying and just absolutely more than I could take. We have been through the rehabs, the court system, the jail scene and of course the emergency room knows us well.
I have loved him through it all and although I did not enable him financially he always seemed to find a way to get whatever he was craving at the moment.
My son was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in his early teens. I knew it long before the diagnosis. Through the years he has been on cocaine, heroin, benzos, pot, pain pills, alcohol and who knows what else? The absolute worst was heroin. I've never in my life seen anything like heroin! Although they tell me that meth is horrific!
Within the past year he stopped the drugs, with only a few occasional relapses with pain pills and alcohol. Now it is mostly alcohol. You would think that would be good, right??? Yes and no. It gives me hope to see that he just may be ok, and yet the alcohol and depression can be overwhelming for him and me.
Recently he was in jail for late child support. Another inmate tried to take his food and they scuffled. The man was written up. So,,,to get even he waits until dark when everyone is asleep and gets a buddy to help hold him down as he beat the hell out of him. Stitches, concussion, strong blows to his stomach, etc. The judge sent him home the next day and told him to rest? The doctor, and jail administrator keep calling to see how he is feeling??? I told them he's not feeling well at all and walks around dazed and cannot remember where he is or what he is suppose to be doing? It has been a month now and the headaches, confusion and memory lapses continue.
Makes no sense to me? When he needed medical help in the past he was sent to jail. When he was sent to jail for child support he was there less than 24 hours, was beaten and sent home. Thank God they sent him home!
I just want you all to know that my heart goes out to each one here. I read your stories and I pray that things will get better. This is a lonely road we travel and it's nice to be able to come here and share now and then.
Dear Ann, My Friend, I'm so sorry to hear about your son's beating in jail. They call from the jail because they are liable and they are concerned about a suit. I hope he will be alright. He's already done so much damage to himself and now this on top of it all. Think about applying for disability for him because of the bi-polar, his children will also get benifits. It may take awhile but he will get all since the day you file. Because he was dianosed before age 18 he can collect from yours or his father's. Whichever is greater. Now this will take a long time and you should get a SS lawyer right away. Isn't he in his 30's? What he gets won't affect your benifits. Now I don't know how to keep him out of jail. Talk to ex-wife about getting disability for him as he really can't work so he can't pay child support. All these troubles seem to snowball into more and more. In the meanwhile for your own sanity...DO NOT TAKE ANY GUFF!!more in next post.
Ann, I think about you and yours a lot....write if you want firstname.lastname@example.org. I'll find the message somehow among all the 100's of e-mails sent every day. A company will ask for an e-mail and I won't give it out as there's so much coming in but I will especially keep my eyes opened for your's. OK? Love you, Deb
Deb, yes we have talked to a lawyer and he is applying for disability. I knew exactly what they were calling for,,,they know that the guard was not on duty. The administrator has already seen the photos and told me that the jail and ambulance record say that he had a seizure. The administrator admitted that he had too much damage done to fall off the bed that was only a few inches off the floor. I was actually surprised to hear him admit it!
So,,,he wanted to make sure I knew that they would cover the hospital bill. However, I am not as concerned about the bill. I want to know why there was no guard there? I did some research and read of this happening in the past. One man died two weeks later (out of jail of course) from a skull fracture. I want to make a statement loud and clear for the others who go there. Someone's daughter or son who may or may not be able to survive the violence! I certainly believe in "if you do the crime then do your time" but even prisoners have human rights.
I actually drove my son there and he turned himself in because he did not want them coming to the house. They had come earlier in the morning and he knew why, so he just went in on his own.
I know I will sound like a terrible mother but I left town. After being up most nights and having to deal with it all, I ended up in the doctor's office with high blood pressure and a state of hypervigilance. In other words my "fight or flight" syndrome kicked in and got stuck~
I left town and I am staying with family. I know he is being taken care of and I had to leave to survive! I did not realize how exhausted I was until I left.
I hope that you are doing well. You always jump in and offer such wise advice. I am hoping that your back is better. Please keep taking care of yourself Deb. You are such a blessing! Thank you for caring.
Hello Ann....The jail is concerned because yes they probally are understaffed or someone was completely lax. Are they county or state ran? Guess you heard about the 3 killers breaking out here in Arizona and then killing two. This prison was run by private party. Huge lawsuits by families. All was shoddy ran. The killers should have never been in that prison in the first place. That's another thing...The violent ones should not be with the rest. Our entire system needs to be revamped. Most nonviolent prisoners could be imprisoned at home. Now they want to put juveniles with the adults here??!!Keep a record of everything as your son has a case. More..next post..
Thank you Ann for asking about my back. After that go around with that crook chiroprator I am seeing Dr. N and I'm about 40 per cent better. All this exercising is making me sore as all git out. Have a long way to go. I did get a lawyer last week. Got to remember not to overdo anything.....I did work on the book this morning. Feel good about that.Please Ann think about your own health through all this . I know you feel like a "rubber band" right now. Hate that feeling. Reread some of the codependent books. Somehow they make me think deep and make me realize I can't change anything. Hope your boy is feeling better soon. Write to us..Love, Deb
Deb, take care of yourself and especially your back. Keep writing that book, it is going to be a BEST SELLER! You are full of wisdom, love and spunk! I am so very blessed to call you my friend. Love to you, Ann