I am the mother of a 21yr old who has dual diagnosis of Bipolar and drug addiction. He has been in the mental health hospital many times and in several intensive residential facilities. He suffers from psychotic mania and delusions. The toll is has taken on my family is devastating causing divorce, debt and complete numbness of spirit! My job has been to rescue and protect but now is out of my control and in the court system of involuntary commitment. If my son is ever deemed competent again faces 2yrs in prison, after what he has been through may seem like a picnic! I always considered myself strong but this ongoing nightmare has dropped me to my knees, oh and I can't hear God anymore just can't hear one more time "What won't kill you will make you stronger" it actually is killing me! I try to stay positive so I can keep encouraging him but honestly I don't think it will ever be ok! I have just started reading Beautiful Boy but so familiar so hard to read! Like the song by Michael Franti I just want to scream out Oh MY OH MY God the world a mad and crazy place. Law Enforcement putting wires on young mentally ill drug addicts and sending them in to buy drugs makes no sense! It is inexcusable what they did to my boy and when I ask what did the 6months of cooperation from my son result in, what bad guys were brought down no reply. They basically extracted all the info and then burned him to prison only he too mentally ill to stand trial. Maybe it was the drugs that stole his mind maybe it was the mental illness that caused the drug use. I have found that noone really knows what they are doing! I am so frustrated and yes I am delighted that my son is still alive but what life? I have been a tax paying professional who was taught to trust authority but what I have experienced for the past 3 yrs is not to trust undercover not to trust the justice system it all depends on how much money you have to throw at your kids problems! In the end there is no winning the war on drugs and prisons are full of young people, treatment facility full, they just keep getting shuffled around and around. Some of the places my son has been sent to actually have exposed him to more drugs! Thanks for listening I am tired and have lost hope!
Don't give up, hang on. My son is also bi-polar, addicted has severe OCD and anxiety and due to his birth mother drinking during pregnancy, has Fetal Alcohol Affect. He is 24 and has struggled since he was about 17 addicted at 18 and we have lived this nightmare ever since. I have felt what you are feeling and had to come to a new place where I could heal. Keep coming here and join a support group if you can find a good one. You need people who understand. Take care, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Julie
Oh my goodness we could have the same sons! We received a call from the jail at about 3:00am one morning, it was our son. "Mom I'm in jail" "what for" "you don't know" "NO!?!" "I'm a drug dealer" I could no longer speak! I handed the phone to my husband. Fortunately I have a dear friend who is a lawyer and he got me connected with a very good attorney. The first thing he told us was not to talk with the police. They would promise our son the moon but they have no power what so ever to drop or reduce charges. So, with my son on suicide watch in the jail sick ward, only 30 minutes after talking to our attorney, in walks "The Detective" and tells Kenny the more he says and does the better off he will be. So our son talked!!!! Worse thing in the world he could have done. They used everything against him and wanted to use him to make drug deals. Our attorney jumped all over "The Detective" (what a powercase) I have lost so much respect for the police because of all of this. We have got our son approved for mental health court. They have reduced his felonies to misdemeanors and he will have to attend mental health court for two years. But our son could barely last the weekend in jail so 3 hours on a Monday afternoon for two years he will do. And I will be there right along with him! My son has been diagnoised with schizoaffective disorder with a history of bi-polar. We just say he has bi-polar. He's been using since is was a junior in high school to quite his mind. I think if he had not had mental illness he wouldn't be an addict. Right now he is about 45 days clean and sober!
My precious son and I have started down this same path - the mental hospitals, rehabs, being used by law enforcement,etc. Your story breaks my heart and causes it to freeze with fear all at the same time. I am praying for you and your son tonight and hugging you both in my heart. I am so sorry - this heartbreak seems to go on and on and on... If you have not been to Al-Anon, please give it a try. Being in a room full of people who have been down my path and survived and having a sponsor who unconditionally loves me has brought me much comfort. God be with you and your son - I pray His mercy on us all.